The Parochialist has been quiet as of late but now we’re coming up upon some City Paper related issues that I’d like to share with the readers.
First of all, I’m not the only one who sees the Shit Rag from Park Ave for all its’ cronyism and nepotism. The Big Music Issue that came out last week (which I really could barely drag myself to look at) also brought out the angry letter writers with at least one of my main points about the City Paper as it ended with the line “ [This issue] would be better titled The Exclusionary Music Issue.” My point exactly. I am no longer pissed or surprised to see the same old shit, same old names and faces of people who know the secret City Paper handshake. I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one who sees it.
And if you can check out this article and comments from the Baltimore Sun from another unrepresented local artist.
http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/midnight_sun/blog/2008/02/city_paper_vs_steve_hefter.html
Again, it’s not that I’m stupid and think I should the one getting all kinds of coverage. It’s just that certain less-than-deserving groups seem to be getting that coverage all the time, with a reverence that should be reserved for…just about anything else.
And, and, and…the ballot for the City Paper Reader’s Poll came out today. I encourage you to fuck with them and put “The Parochialist” in for as many categories as you can. If I win something, I will be sure to wear my special hand-made Parochialist T-shirt to the Best of Baltimore party.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Battered Reader Syndrome
You must know something about me--it propels everything that follows, everything I do, and everything I am.
I have a bad memory. I may forget your name, I may forget your birthday, your favorite food, favorite color, I might even forget what you look like. But I never, ever forget when somebody fucks with me.
And yet…I go through battered reader syndrome when it comes to City Paper. I pick it up on the week I have a show, thinking that maybe this time, maybe, just maybe, I will have earned a spot in The Short List (sometimes) or maybe the Baltimore Weekly Highlights (never). And then I’m just pissed at myself for running back into the arms of my abuser. And then I take a look at what they DID bother to mention in the “Highlights” of the Baltimore (let me repeat that…BALTIMORE) City Paper and what do I find for Wednesday, June 11?
Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s like Wednesday did not exist at all, and they skipped right to Thursday. O-kay. (I wasn’t expecting my show to be in the highlights, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t something that could have been put there for Wednesday. And, shit, if you didn’t have anything, you could have then plugged my show. Which of course, you never will.)
So let me check out the Short List of the BALTIMORE City Paper, and what did we find for Wednesday, June 11, 2008? A big plug for the Breeders show in WASHINGTON, D.C. For those of you unfamiliar with the geography of the area, let me simplify it. Baltimore is not in D.C. Baltimore is Baltimore. I know we are becoming occupied by yuppy fucks from D.C as they take our land and give us blankets with smallpox, but no matter what they do, this is still Baltimore. And D.C does not need our press. No disrespect meant to the Breeders, but like I said, that’s D.C. I had a show last night, too, which was pretty great in spite of the typical lack of coverage in that shit rag fuck of a City Paper. But we have given up our status as a city that supports the developing artist and musician and we are now chasing the money, courting the D.C crowd, hoping that one day we can eliminate those poor Baltimore people who keep blocking the view. And this starts with acting like D.C and Baltimore area really like the Twin Cities of the East Coast. They’re not.
So, in short, thank you for not even mentioning my show last night, in any meaningful way. I’m sure if I was a member of your little club, and knew the secret handshake, I could have gotten a full page in your paper. Like I said, I have a bad memory, but if you fuck with me I will never forget you.
I have a bad memory. I may forget your name, I may forget your birthday, your favorite food, favorite color, I might even forget what you look like. But I never, ever forget when somebody fucks with me.
And yet…I go through battered reader syndrome when it comes to City Paper. I pick it up on the week I have a show, thinking that maybe this time, maybe, just maybe, I will have earned a spot in The Short List (sometimes) or maybe the Baltimore Weekly Highlights (never). And then I’m just pissed at myself for running back into the arms of my abuser. And then I take a look at what they DID bother to mention in the “Highlights” of the Baltimore (let me repeat that…BALTIMORE) City Paper and what do I find for Wednesday, June 11?
Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s like Wednesday did not exist at all, and they skipped right to Thursday. O-kay. (I wasn’t expecting my show to be in the highlights, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t something that could have been put there for Wednesday. And, shit, if you didn’t have anything, you could have then plugged my show. Which of course, you never will.)
So let me check out the Short List of the BALTIMORE City Paper, and what did we find for Wednesday, June 11, 2008? A big plug for the Breeders show in WASHINGTON, D.C. For those of you unfamiliar with the geography of the area, let me simplify it. Baltimore is not in D.C. Baltimore is Baltimore. I know we are becoming occupied by yuppy fucks from D.C as they take our land and give us blankets with smallpox, but no matter what they do, this is still Baltimore. And D.C does not need our press. No disrespect meant to the Breeders, but like I said, that’s D.C. I had a show last night, too, which was pretty great in spite of the typical lack of coverage in that shit rag fuck of a City Paper. But we have given up our status as a city that supports the developing artist and musician and we are now chasing the money, courting the D.C crowd, hoping that one day we can eliminate those poor Baltimore people who keep blocking the view. And this starts with acting like D.C and Baltimore area really like the Twin Cities of the East Coast. They’re not.
So, in short, thank you for not even mentioning my show last night, in any meaningful way. I’m sure if I was a member of your little club, and knew the secret handshake, I could have gotten a full page in your paper. Like I said, I have a bad memory, but if you fuck with me I will never forget you.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Dark Thoughts...
City Paper is, of course, the original source of my rage. Hence, the whole “Parochialist” blog. But as I’ve gone on in doing this, I feel as though I have uncovered darker and darker truths about the city in which I live. Darker and darker forces that have threatened to turn Charm City into something I could never love. I’m talking about gentrification.
I have been promoting a show (Sidebar, June 11! And if you miss that…The Metro Gallery, June 14!) and as I walk around what used to be a dark outpost of Baltimore, Charles Village, has become a yuppy haven, complete with Starbucks and useless boutique-type stores. This is not news, we have all seen this (at least those of us who live here). But what is different now is a city that I used to love for its’ laissez-faire approach, its’ “as long as you’re not killing anybody we’ll leave you alone” attitude, is now falling in line with the Nazi-esque zero-tolerance attitude that is prevalent in other places. We have to make the city safe for Hopkins students, Yankees fans, and people from D.C. Fuck the people who’ve been living here all along.
Okay, I’ll admit: this little rant is coming about because just the other day I was stopped by the police for putting up a flyer and threatened with arrest if I did not take all my flyers down. All I could think the whole time I was keeping my mouth shut and letting Officer Hassle spew forth cop clichés was “really?” I have been flyering for a long time now and I have never, ever had anyone say one word about it. But because I did it in broad daylight, downtown, directly across from the Washington Monument, in what has become a pricey and increasingly unlivable area for normal folks (ten years ago many of my friends live in this area, and now they can’t afford it), I was stopped because I was apparently “trashing the city.” Whether this is true or not, all I could think was that this used to be a city where no one ever, ever gave a shit what you did. Cops left you alone because they had better things to do. But now…
Maybe I’m making too much of this. But all I know is that City Paper has been co-opted, Baltimore is getting sold out, Yankee fans and Red Sox fans are more important that Orioles fans who live here and suffer here, and if I get caught putting up flyers to promote myself, I am fucked. We’re all fucked.
I have been promoting a show (Sidebar, June 11! And if you miss that…The Metro Gallery, June 14!) and as I walk around what used to be a dark outpost of Baltimore, Charles Village, has become a yuppy haven, complete with Starbucks and useless boutique-type stores. This is not news, we have all seen this (at least those of us who live here). But what is different now is a city that I used to love for its’ laissez-faire approach, its’ “as long as you’re not killing anybody we’ll leave you alone” attitude, is now falling in line with the Nazi-esque zero-tolerance attitude that is prevalent in other places. We have to make the city safe for Hopkins students, Yankees fans, and people from D.C. Fuck the people who’ve been living here all along.
Okay, I’ll admit: this little rant is coming about because just the other day I was stopped by the police for putting up a flyer and threatened with arrest if I did not take all my flyers down. All I could think the whole time I was keeping my mouth shut and letting Officer Hassle spew forth cop clichés was “really?” I have been flyering for a long time now and I have never, ever had anyone say one word about it. But because I did it in broad daylight, downtown, directly across from the Washington Monument, in what has become a pricey and increasingly unlivable area for normal folks (ten years ago many of my friends live in this area, and now they can’t afford it), I was stopped because I was apparently “trashing the city.” Whether this is true or not, all I could think was that this used to be a city where no one ever, ever gave a shit what you did. Cops left you alone because they had better things to do. But now…
Maybe I’m making too much of this. But all I know is that City Paper has been co-opted, Baltimore is getting sold out, Yankee fans and Red Sox fans are more important that Orioles fans who live here and suffer here, and if I get caught putting up flyers to promote myself, I am fucked. We’re all fucked.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Whose Economy?
Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile.
Whose economy?
I am sick to death of hearing sportscasters and people in the media talking about how much the Yankees fans and Red Sox fans coming to Baltimore and invading our stadium HELPS THE ECONOMY. Fuck that. It doesn’t help my economy. It helps Peter Angelos’ economy. It helps overpriced hotels. It helps a few people sell some extra peanuts. Why the fuck should we care about that?
Fuck The B free daily paper. It is an even bigger piece of shit than the City Paper. I will elaborate in future editions of The Parochialist.
Go O’s!
Whose economy?
I am sick to death of hearing sportscasters and people in the media talking about how much the Yankees fans and Red Sox fans coming to Baltimore and invading our stadium HELPS THE ECONOMY. Fuck that. It doesn’t help my economy. It helps Peter Angelos’ economy. It helps overpriced hotels. It helps a few people sell some extra peanuts. Why the fuck should we care about that?
Fuck The B free daily paper. It is an even bigger piece of shit than the City Paper. I will elaborate in future editions of The Parochialist.
Go O’s!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Are you fucking kidding me?
Apparently, according to Rolling Stone Magazine, Baltimore has the best music scene in America.
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/20200609/page/34
Who knew? Is anyone else as annoyed by this as I am? Do you see any of the same old names, the same old shit, the unsupportive alternative bookstores (HINT HINT HINT N*****'s.) the obligatory mention of art school projects, Certain people who get not only the cover photograph but are mentioned twice in the listing??? And, omigod, a certain band shops at THRIFT STORES!!! What journalism!
Stroke, stroke, stroke, and repeat.
It's just like the City Paper, only worse.
Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13958
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/
Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/
The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/
The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/
Music/Events
Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/
Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-09.html
The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080411.html
Enjoy!
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/20200609/page/34
Who knew? Is anyone else as annoyed by this as I am? Do you see any of the same old names, the same old shit, the unsupportive alternative bookstores (HINT HINT HINT N*****'s.) the obligatory mention of art school projects, Certain people who get not only the cover photograph but are mentioned twice in the listing??? And, omigod, a certain band shops at THRIFT STORES!!! What journalism!
Stroke, stroke, stroke, and repeat.
It's just like the City Paper, only worse.
Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13958
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/
Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/
The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/
The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/
Music/Events
Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/
Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-09.html
The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080411.html
Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!
at these fine stores:
Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com
Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com
Enjoy!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Let's not kid ourselves...
Last week's City Paper was a virtual stroke-fest for the powers-that-be here in Baltimore, as it highlighted the side projects of many of the same local "stars" it is always covering. As if certain groups in this town do not get enough exposure, now it is apparently City Paper's job to make sure there is no stone left unturned in their efforts to keep nepotism and in-crowd business as usual flourishing in this town.
Let's not kid ourselves when we gaze upon this piece of shit alternative weekly: it doesn't serve you or me.
Let me be clear: City Paper is a complete piece of shit, a shell of its former self. When I look upon its pages, I try to hold back the vomit that collects in my throat. I look at it because goddammmit, I am The Parochialist, and it is my duty to fight parochialism in all its many forms.
Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13958
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/
Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/
The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/
The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/
Music/Events
Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/
Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-09.html
The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080411.html
Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!
at these fine stores:
Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com
Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com
Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Wanna know what I've been doing?
Hi,
As fearless leader of The Parochialist, it is of course my duty to post every week in response to the atrocities that come out of Park Avenue. While the last two weeks have been slack, it is not because I have been lazy. I have been hard at work putting out the latest Davezine, which pretty much sums up the position of us here at The Parochialist. It is a satirical take on the City Paper. The story is about how a City-Paper-like alternative weekly editor is kidnapped and brainwashed to promte a mysterious group known only as the Collective...who may or may not be pawns in a greater game that could result in the destruction of Beatown.
Enjoy!
Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13404
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/
Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/
The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/
The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/
Music/Events
Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/
Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-02.html
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-03-19.html
The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
As fearless leader of The Parochialist, it is of course my duty to post every week in response to the atrocities that come out of Park Avenue. While the last two weeks have been slack, it is not because I have been lazy. I have been hard at work putting out the latest Davezine, which pretty much sums up the position of us here at The Parochialist. It is a satirical take on the City Paper. The story is about how a City-Paper-like alternative weekly editor is kidnapped and brainwashed to promte a mysterious group known only as the Collective...who may or may not be pawns in a greater game that could result in the destruction of Beatown.
Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!
Order it now by going to my site and using PayPal.
www.daveygandthekeyboard.com
Or you can also send 3 dollars, plus a dollar for postage to me:
Dave Cookson
P.O Box 23568
Baltimore, MD
21203
I will send it to you immediately, if not sooner.
Or, finally, get it at these fine stores:
Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com
Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com
Enjoy!
Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13404
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/
Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/
The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/
The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/
Music/Events
Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/
Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-02.html
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-03-19.html
The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
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About Me
- Davey G.
- Davey G and the...is the handle for writer, performer, musician and sports fan, David G. Cookson. This blog (as the late George Carlin would say) is just a place for his stuff.