Battered Reader Syndrome

You must know something about me--it propels everything that follows, everything I do, and everything I am.

I have a bad memory. I may forget your name, I may forget your birthday, your favorite food, favorite color, I might even forget what you look like. But I never, ever forget when somebody fucks with me.

And yet…I go through battered reader syndrome when it comes to City Paper. I pick it up on the week I have a show, thinking that maybe this time, maybe, just maybe, I will have earned a spot in The Short List (sometimes) or maybe the Baltimore Weekly Highlights (never). And then I’m just pissed at myself for running back into the arms of my abuser. And then I take a look at what they DID bother to mention in the “Highlights” of the Baltimore (let me repeat that…BALTIMORE) City Paper and what do I find for Wednesday, June 11?
Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s like Wednesday did not exist at all, and they skipped right to Thursday. O-kay. (I wasn’t expecting my show to be in the highlights, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t something that could have been put there for Wednesday. And, shit, if you didn’t have anything, you could have then plugged my show. Which of course, you never will.)

So let me check out the Short List of the BALTIMORE City Paper, and what did we find for Wednesday, June 11, 2008? A big plug for the Breeders show in WASHINGTON, D.C. For those of you unfamiliar with the geography of the area, let me simplify it. Baltimore is not in D.C. Baltimore is Baltimore. I know we are becoming occupied by yuppy fucks from D.C as they take our land and give us blankets with smallpox, but no matter what they do, this is still Baltimore. And D.C does not need our press. No disrespect meant to the Breeders, but like I said, that’s D.C. I had a show last night, too, which was pretty great in spite of the typical lack of coverage in that shit rag fuck of a City Paper. But we have given up our status as a city that supports the developing artist and musician and we are now chasing the money, courting the D.C crowd, hoping that one day we can eliminate those poor Baltimore people who keep blocking the view. And this starts with acting like D.C and Baltimore area really like the Twin Cities of the East Coast. They’re not.

So, in short, thank you for not even mentioning my show last night, in any meaningful way. I’m sure if I was a member of your little club, and knew the secret handshake, I could have gotten a full page in your paper. Like I said, I have a bad memory, but if you fuck with me I will never forget you.