Epic Reason Number 1

You waited all month and here it is: Reason Number 1 in my epic series of reasons why I hate the City paper enough to have started this campaign against them:

Reason Number One: They ignore me…and they probably ignore you.

When they should be helping you to get noticed by the city, the state, the country, the world, they do what every gate-keeping cocksucker in this town does: They help their buddies, their cousins, their lovers, and unless you are one of them, (or possibly too big to ignore--like John Waters or something) they just don’t pay any attention to you.

I am a performer. I know I’m not the best, but I’m certainly not the worst. I have been doing my thing for 7 years, and I can say, with all sincerity, that if nothing else, it’s entertaining. Unique. Worth checking out. It’s at least as good as any of the bands and collectives that CP has over-exposed in their pages. And how many feature articles or profiles have I received from them?
None.

I know this may sound like a crybaby, sore loser sort of reason--after all, I stopped reading the City Paper and started this blog when I didn’t win Best of Baltimore--but really, that campaign was just a last ditch effort to save my relationship with City Paper. I can’t stand them because they exemplify everything that is wrong with Baltimore. This is a city of over 600 thousand people that acts like it’s some hick town in the middle of nowhere. It’s got so much going for it (that maybe you don’t see unless you come from somewhere else, like I do) that it is inconceivable that so few people seem to hold the reins in allowing what will be successful.

It boils down to the thing that I mentioned in the posts leading up to the formation of this blog, and indeed form the logic of The Parochialist: Parochialism is the problem. And City Paper exemplifies that problem.

So now I am not reading the City Paper. I don’t want them to go out of business or anything--they have a right to their opinion, this is America, and while I am an idealist when it comes to some things, I’m not crazy. One guy is never going to bring down the giant. But I hope that in the future, I will be able to put some kind of dent in the ingrained culture of this town, and provide even the smallest of small islands of free, non-judgmental information, to serve the community in which I live. You know--like what the City Paper is supposed to be doing?

Thank you for reading this month! Come back next week for less parochialism!

Next Month: Our First Annual Parochialist Awards: The Parochials!

New Political Animal!

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/11288

Straight Dope
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/071130.html

Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics

This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/


Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/07-11-28.html

Updated Edition, Reason Two

Special Announcement: This blog is going up with some revisions to the basic set-up of the site. As The Parochialist was largely started as an impulse, a rush job, I did some things that in the context of a blog, really make no sense--such as putting up the same static links every week rather than simply posting them on the side and letting you sort them out. I am correcting that now. I will still post the links that change from week to week, but things like your favorite local clubs, etc, will now be found on the side of the page, saving me time and annoyance. When I can, I’ll offer a preview to what I’m linking you to. I put this up earlier before my trip, so it is a bit short, but now I'm back with updated links.
Enjoy!

Reason Number Two: The Borat Movie Review

I did not see, nor did I ever want to see the comedy movie Borat (I had my reasons--I don’t like the style of humor and I really don’t enjoy watching people’s stupidity, racism, what have you, put on display, as it merely depresses me rather than amuses) but it seemed to gain positive reviews across the board. So I found it refreshing to see a bad review in the City Paper. I thought, wow, it’s bucking the trend of the entire country. But alas, this was a mirage, and simply just a lazily written review about how much the movie sucked.
Ahh, who am I kidding, I’m being lazy, too. I’m too lazy to even put up the stupid link to the review. I’ve got a really good number one and I don’t want to blow it here. And I need to be packing for my big Las Vegas trip.
See you next week for the conclusion to the 5 Reasons!

--Davey G., founder of The Parochialist

Movies
Charm City Cineaste
If you want to read an intelligent movie review, check this blog out--this week he discusses Beowulf.
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Updated Links (11-25)

E-Skeptic
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/07-11-20.html

New Straight Dope!
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/071123.html

Apparently there is no Political Animal this week.

ps--I won 200 bucks in Vegas!

Number 3...

Reason Number 3 in my epic series of reasons why I hate the City paper enough to have started this campaign against them:

Their short fiction contest; their “after-comments” and advice to the writers who contributed. (2006 version)

City Paper has held a short fiction and poetry contest for years. On occasion, I have entered it, mostly as a way to motivate myself to finish stories that I would otherwise not have the motivation to finish. I never expected to win, so it’s not out of bitterness that I include this as reason #3. What does make me include this is the unbelievably condescending and insulting advice thrown down from the offices of our friends over on Park Avenue.
Consider that in a six paragraph introduction to the 3 winners, four of those paragraphs were filled with this obnoxious criticism. Way to go! Snotty City Paper Attitude has been served!

Read for yourself…

http://www.citypaper.com/special/story.asp?id=12962

(Please, please read the letter at the bottom of the page--it almost writes my post for me!)

What I’ve noticed over the years is that if anyone from City Paper can write worth a damn, they are soon snatched up by other, better papers (Max Weiss, Wiley Hall, Tom Scocca--all good writers over the years who went somewhere else). And who stays? Mr. Wrong--a guy who could barely write a shopping list, let alone a column. And these people think they are somehow qualified to shit on the aspiring writers? Because you were sooooo fortunate to be one of the few who can work your crappy alternative paper gig?


And now the links…before my head explodes.


Movies

Charm City Cineaste!

http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Columns

Political Animal
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/11037

Savage Love
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

Straight Dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/071116.html

Comics

This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

A good music listing site.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html

Other Music sites.
This week in music!
http://www.bmoretunes.com/?p=74
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Clubs/Performance Spaces

http://www.talkingheadclub.com/
http://theottobar.com/
http://www.sidebartavern.com/
http://www.themetrogallery.net/
http://www.lofisocialclub.com/
http://www.fletchersbar.com/
http://www.redemmas.org/2640/
http://hamiltonart.org/dhome/

Yin/Yang

Free Will Astrology!
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
http://www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/07-11-14.html

Reason 4...

Reason Number 4 in my Special November series of reasons why I started this blog:

The review of the Weird Al Show at the Ram’s Head.

Here is one of my little sticky issues with the City Paper: even when they seem to like something, they never seem to have the guts to whole-heartedly admit that they like something. They always, always, always seem to find a reason why the show or the album, or the movie, or whatever it is that they are reviewing, is less than perfect--even to the point where it almost sounds like they think that the event sucks. This was apparent in this review.

http://www.citypaper.com/music/story.asp?id=13611

While the reviewer (Name withheld, do not want to smear but I’m sure you can figure it out--who, much like Karl Rove, has fucked up a good thing and then gone on his way to take another job--do you like that analogy? And do you like the length of this aside? This is the kind of obnoxious thing City Paper does and by doing this I am demonstrating how their butchering of the language and the conventions of writing so completely offends me--and I’m pointing this directly at Mr. Wrong) seems to be a fan of Weird Al, he could not resist the snotty City Paper habit of finding something stupid and inane to not like about the show. In this case, it was the fact that apparently the reviewer was not happy standing for a 2 hour show and that, boo hoo, he did not play “Dare to be Stupid.”

I happen to LOVE Weird Al (no shit), so I am a bit biased when it comes to this issue. But I still think I’m right to say that there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong, or un-hip, or un-cool about actually admitting you like something.

So fuck your snide commentary: show some balls, leave out that last paragraph (that seemed just stashed in there so you could keep your “I’m a snarky City Paper writer” credentials) and just say “Wow. It was a great show.”

Next week: Reason 3 may surprise you!


(ps--this may be snotty of me to note...but I see that the City Paper is holding their 30th Anniversary Party at the Recher Theater in Towson--correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that NOT in the city? Don't you think that sends the wrong message to the people of Baltimore, the community which they are supposed to serve, to make everyone drive out to the county to celebrate a big occasion like a 30 year anniversary? Aren't there any venues in Baltimore proper where they can have this show? Like I said, maybe I'm just being as snotty as them, but that's just how I see it!)


And now the links…

Links to syndicated columns that appear in City Paper and other links to things that don’t appear in City Paper. Because I heard that reading City Paper gives people STDs.

Movies

Check out this new blog by a Baltimore movie insider--it is a well-written, well organized and insightful look into the local movie scene, and I thank him for allowing me to link to it.

http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Columns

Political Animal
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/10899

Savage Love
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

Straight Dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/071109.html


Comics

This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

A good music listing site.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html

Other Music sites.

http://www.bmorelive.com/

Clubs/Performance Spaces

http://www.talkingheadclub.com/
http://theottobar.com/
http://www.sidebartavern.com/
http://www.themetrogallery.net/
http://www.lofisocialclub.com/
http://www.fletchersbar.com/
http://www.redemmas.org/2640/
http://hamiltonart.org/dhome/

Yin/Yang

Free Will Astrology!
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/07-11-07.html


Thanks again for reading. Come to my show Saturday at the Hamilton Arts Collective!!!