Dark Thoughts...

City Paper is, of course, the original source of my rage. Hence, the whole “Parochialist” blog. But as I’ve gone on in doing this, I feel as though I have uncovered darker and darker truths about the city in which I live. Darker and darker forces that have threatened to turn Charm City into something I could never love. I’m talking about gentrification.

I have been promoting a show (Sidebar, June 11! And if you miss that…The Metro Gallery, June 14!) and as I walk around what used to be a dark outpost of Baltimore, Charles Village, has become a yuppy haven, complete with Starbucks and useless boutique-type stores. This is not news, we have all seen this (at least those of us who live here). But what is different now is a city that I used to love for its’ laissez-faire approach, its’ “as long as you’re not killing anybody we’ll leave you alone” attitude, is now falling in line with the Nazi-esque zero-tolerance attitude that is prevalent in other places. We have to make the city safe for Hopkins students, Yankees fans, and people from D.C. Fuck the people who’ve been living here all along.

Okay, I’ll admit: this little rant is coming about because just the other day I was stopped by the police for putting up a flyer and threatened with arrest if I did not take all my flyers down. All I could think the whole time I was keeping my mouth shut and letting Officer Hassle spew forth cop clichés was “really?” I have been flyering for a long time now and I have never, ever had anyone say one word about it. But because I did it in broad daylight, downtown, directly across from the Washington Monument, in what has become a pricey and increasingly unlivable area for normal folks (ten years ago many of my friends live in this area, and now they can’t afford it), I was stopped because I was apparently “trashing the city.” Whether this is true or not, all I could think was that this used to be a city where no one ever, ever gave a shit what you did. Cops left you alone because they had better things to do. But now…

Maybe I’m making too much of this. But all I know is that City Paper has been co-opted, Baltimore is getting sold out, Yankee fans and Red Sox fans are more important that Orioles fans who live here and suffer here, and if I get caught putting up flyers to promote myself, I am fucked. We’re all fucked.

Whose Economy?

Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile.


Whose economy?


I am sick to death of hearing sportscasters and people in the media talking about how much the Yankees fans and Red Sox fans coming to Baltimore and invading our stadium HELPS THE ECONOMY. Fuck that. It doesn’t help my economy. It helps Peter Angelos’ economy. It helps overpriced hotels. It helps a few people sell some extra peanuts. Why the fuck should we care about that?
Fuck The B free daily paper. It is an even bigger piece of shit than the City Paper. I will elaborate in future editions of The Parochialist.

Go O’s!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Apparently, according to Rolling Stone Magazine, Baltimore has the best music scene in America.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/20200609/page/34

Who knew? Is anyone else as annoyed by this as I am? Do you see any of the same old names, the same old shit, the unsupportive alternative bookstores (HINT HINT HINT N*****'s.) the obligatory mention of art school projects, Certain people who get not only the cover photograph but are mentioned twice in the listing??? And, omigod, a certain band shops at THRIFT STORES!!! What journalism!

Stroke, stroke, stroke, and repeat.
It's just like the City Paper, only worse.
Links!!!

Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13958
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-09.html

The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080411.html

Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!
at these fine stores:

Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com

Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com

Enjoy!

Let's not kid ourselves...

Last week's City Paper was a virtual stroke-fest for the powers-that-be here in Baltimore, as it highlighted the side projects of many of the same local "stars" it is always covering. As if certain groups in this town do not get enough exposure, now it is apparently City Paper's job to make sure there is no stone left unturned in their efforts to keep nepotism and in-crowd business as usual flourishing in this town.
Let's not kid ourselves when we gaze upon this piece of shit alternative weekly: it doesn't serve you or me.
Let me be clear: City Paper is a complete piece of shit, a shell of its former self. When I look upon its pages, I try to hold back the vomit that collects in my throat. I look at it because goddammmit, I am The Parochialist, and it is my duty to fight parochialism in all its many forms.

Links!!!

Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13958
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-09.html

The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080411.html

Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!
at these fine stores:

Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com

Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com

Enjoy!

Wanna know what I've been doing?

Hi,
As fearless leader of The Parochialist, it is of course my duty to post every week in response to the atrocities that come out of Park Avenue. While the last two weeks have been slack, it is not because I have been lazy. I have been hard at work putting out the latest Davezine, which pretty much sums up the position of us here at The Parochialist. It is a satirical take on the City Paper. The story is about how a City-Paper-like alternative weekly editor is kidnapped and brainwashed to promte a mysterious group known only as the Collective...who may or may not be pawns in a greater game that could result in the destruction of Beatown.

Davezine #13
With
Low Level Bureaucrats 3:
The Rise of the Collective
(the conclusion of the Low Level Bureaucrats Trilogy)
40 pages,
$3
Available now!

Order it now by going to my site and using PayPal.
www.daveygandthekeyboard.com
Or you can also send 3 dollars, plus a dollar for postage to me:
Dave Cookson
P.O Box 23568
Baltimore, MD
21203
I will send it to you immediately, if not sooner.

Or, finally, get it at these fine stores:

Atomic Books
1100 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD 21211
www.atomicbooks.com

Reptilian Records
2545 N. Howard Street,
Baltimore, MD 21218
www.reptilianrecords.com

Enjoy!



Links!!!

Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13404
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-04-02.html
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-03-19.html

The Straight Dope--about a month's worth of dope.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080307.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080314.html

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080321.html
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080328.html

The first Parochialist crossword! Try it!

Okay, it ain't much. Click on it, then print it out! Fun for at least one member of your family! E-mail me for the answers! I might give them to you! Really, try it!






Links!!!

Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13404
Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-03-12.html

The Straight Dope
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html

A Parochialist cameo in the new Davezine!

More from my upcoming Davezine about the City Paper.

Dear Beatown Weekly,
I have been reading your paper for about ten years now and have always found it a lively source of insightful commentary and entertainment. However, within the last six months I have noticed a change in your coverage. It seems that all you do now is cover the latest news of the Collective. From what I can tell, you are no longer covering any other artists or musicians who are not involved in the Collective.
As a Euro-Centric Caucasian Male, I realize that my needs are no longer represented by the BW. Therefore I will be forced to not pick up your free paper, and I will not know about any of the events around town. I will sit in my studio apartment, make obscene phone calls, and wish that I was dead.---signed, The Parochialist.

Davezine #13 will be available March 31st!

Links!!!
Brian Morton's Blog
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/13267

Movies
Charm City Cineaste
http://charmcitycineaste.blogspot.com/

Comics
This Modern World
http://www.thismodernworld.com/newest-comic/

The Maakies
http://www.maakies.com/

The Perry Bible Fellowship
http://www.pbfcomics.com/

Music/Events

Music listings.
http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
http://www.bmorelive.com/

Other Weekly Features
Michael Shermer’s E-Skeptic Newsletter!
www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-03-05.html


The Straight Dope
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/080229.html