Finally Coming Clean...

(*This is Satire* No one should be this stupid.) Wow. The right-wing crazy people really got us all figured out. How we wanted to be forced to stay inside and miss our friends and live entertainment and movies and sports and performances…and how we engineered a hoax to exaggerate an illness and latch it on to other illnesses. Because 500 thousand people dying from a bunch of different things wouldn’t have attracted as much attention as just calling it Covid-19. I gotta hand it to you: you really figured it out. It was hard keeping it to myself for so long.

We did it all because we just didn’t want to go to work, and we wanted to crash the economy. But it worked too well…many of us just had to work from home. And we really crashed the economy (luckily, our stocks soared, so we still win!) We didn’t account for how many of you wouldn’t fall for it. Well done, America.

Unfortunately, the technology to work at home was better than we’d anticipated. But we loved seeing our friends and former co-workers suffer and go broke while waiting for unemployment checks to kick in. They should have just gone to one of those low-paying front-line jobs where they could have gotten sick more easily.

You sure saw through our scheme to lose people we cared about while we secretly smiled beneath our masks (Which we wore so that we could disguise our secret pleasure with how well the plan was working!)

Sadly, all good things have to come to an end. But at least the trackers that we installed in the vaccine will help us to keep tabs on you. We were getting tired of doing it through your phones and social media.

Oh well. We are smart, but you guys were smarter. Sorry about your friends who didn’t make it through this thing. They didn’t realize it was a hoax and a power grab.

Can’t win them all.